So, I know it hasn't been very long since I've posted...but a few things have changed.
I'm still going to Nicaragua, no worries there. :) I'm finding that I'm getting more and more excited. But, with more excitement comes more nervousness. That scares me a little bit. I don't like feeling nervous. I guess I'm trying to rely on God through all of this, and I know He is faithful and will provide, but the money figures scare the crap out of me. I'm not sure exactly how much it's going to cost yet, but I know it's not going to be cheap. All I can do right now is trust that He will provide like He always has.
I'm also having a hard time deciding on things for the summer. I need to have a job so I can pay for my trip to Nicaragua(at least some of it). I have 4 job offers on the table right now, 2 out of state, and 2 in state. I also have an interview tomorrow to care for a special needs girl and her brother in the early morning M-F during the summer. If I'm completely honest with myself, I want to stay in Michigan. Even though I know it would be good for me to get away, and I kind of want to, I know that will be happening in the late summer.
Here's the hardest part of my situation: What happens in January once I'm back?
Ever since I can remember, I've said that I want to be a special education teacher, and now I'm not so sure. I don't think teaching is where I want to be. I think God laid missions and working with special needs kids on my heart for a reason. I think that I want to study missions and special education so that I can work at some mission organization that ministers to those with special needs. This is hard for me to digest, because my answer to the question "What do you want to do with your life?" has always been the same answer "I want to study Special Education" Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to work with special needs kids, just in a different capacity than I always thought I wanted to.
I really want to go to Bethany College of Missions in Minnesota to get a Bachelor's degree in Missions, and maybe start my Special Education degree while I'm going there, or maybe once I get a job. Who knows. I just know that with my experience with special needs kids, and the way that I feel when I'm around them is no mistake. I can't put into words how I feel when I'm around special needs kids, especially those who are severely multiply impaired. When they make those achievements that seem so little to everyone else, and you see the smile and tears in a mother/teacher's eyes...I can't imagine ministering to anyone else. So many of them don't feel the love of Jesus...they feel the exact opposite. They feel left out and are often left to die in the streets of third world countries. I want to change that. I want to make them feel loved and have the love of Jesus in their hearts. I can't imagine doing anything different with my life than this.
So that's where I'm at right now with college/future plans. It's really hard to think about for me, but I'm leaning on Him, and He will get me through it.
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