More of Him, less of me

Sometimes I just get into a mode where I need to write, for my sanity, and to get my feelings out...well at least the feelings that I want people to know :)

You'll remember in my last post that I talked about a girl named Racheal that I met through a series of God-orchestrated events. I'm so happy to say that I'm now working with her! Though my time has been a little chopped up due to surgery, I'm so glad that everything worked out!

In the last week, I've had another job (actually, a paid internship) fall right into my lap. It seems that this is where the Lord wants me right now!

It's so interesting how all of this happens. In the past few weeks, I've been really emotional (privately) about wanting to leave the country and just help special needs children who are way less fortunate. It's been tearing me apart, and has been causing a major distraction in my schoolwork.

The truth is, even though all of these opportunities are really exciting and right up my alley, with each confirmation that I get that right now I'm supposed to be ministering here, my heart gets a little bit more sad, and I want to jump on a plane a little bit more.

With each day, I feel more and more dependent on God to let my heart be here-fully here-and to give more and more of myself to what I'm doing here. Truthfully? It feels like I'm slowly dying sometimes (well, I am, but you know what I mean...). It feels painful, my heart is in pain, and I find myself begging God to send me to another country.

Then I think of the girls I work with, and how much I am absolutely in love with them and their goofy personalities, and don't want to leave them. Yet there's an overpowering sense of calling to bring that same love and joy to children around the world.

But alas, I am here. I know that the Lord has a lot to teach me, and I think He's keeping me here, in part (because honestly, who knows all of the reasons to everything that God does?), to teach me to give ALL of my love, ALL of my heart, and ALL of my strength to what I'm doing here. I need to learn to be content with that for now.

I'm also learning so much about the body of Christ and bond of believers through the classes that I'm taking through Moody Bible Institute (online). I've never met any of these people, yet we pray for each other, 'fellowship' with each other, and rejoice in our accomplishments. I feel such a connection to these classmates. It's incredible, really.

I know that the Lord is continuing to prepare my heart for ministry, wherever that may be (and whenever He may choose to move me, if He chooses to move me). I find myself believing that I will eventually be leaving the country to minister to special needs children sometime in the future, because I know that this passion to reach the lost is from Him. I'm hoping, praying.

Until then, I will continue to give more of myself than I thought possible, love with His divine love, and share His name through my actions. More of HIM, less of me. More of Him, less of me.

Peace.

I often feel like I'm in high school again.

People asking me (seems like constantly), "What's next?"

In the past few weeks, I have felt like there is a major tug of war going on inside of me.

It was painful, really.

As many of you know, I have a strong desire to move overseas. A longing to love on 'the least of these'. I also have fallen so in love with Dulci, the girl that I work with, that I was really struggling.

Struggling to the point of tears and frustration. I didn't understand why God would give me a passion for children around the world, and then let me be in Dulci's life, only to be totally in love with her.

I began to pray desperately for an answer, a 'slap in the face', if you will. I just asked God to show me where I need to be right now. I only wanted some sort of confirmation of where I was supposed to be so that this literal pain in my body would go away.

About a week later, I started to see His work very evidently. Dulci's family camps, so I've been with them at the campground they stay at. One night, after I had left, Von (Dulci's mom) went to show some friends around, and noticed a girl in a wheelchair who looks similar to Dulci.

The next day when I got there, she told me about it, and just said, "I felt like I needed to tell you that." She told me the spot where they walked from, and mentioned that maybe Dulci could have a new friend. So I took Dulci for a walk and decided to go there.

I debated going up there, just because it was gravel and really bumpy (and Dulci kept sliding over in her chair). But I did.

When we got almost to the end of that part of the campground, 4 really little kids came up to Dulci and started saying "hi!" and "what's your name?". I figured that these kids must know this girl that Von was talking about, because they were so comfortable with Dulci.

Eventually the mom came out and started talking to Dulci and to me, and told me about her friend that was out there the previous day, whose name is Racheal (ironic?).

She told me a little about their family and how they've been praying for a loving caregiver to come along and take care of their daughter.

This girl said "I think you may be it! They've been praying so desperately, and here you came, walking down the road!"

She proceeded to take my name and phone number, and very enthusiastically went and called her friend to tell her!

Later that afternoon, her mom called me and told me a little about their family and Racheal, and in talking, we realized that the schedule would work pretty perfect with the hours I'm working with Dulci right now.
She also said she never wanted me to feel torn between Racheal and Dulci (thank goodness!).

Von & I were SO excited that afternoon about how it all had happened.

I mean, think about it. She never had to tell me that she saw another special needs child at the campground. I didn't have to take the walk down the long bumpy road. If the children hadn't come out and said hi to Dulci, I may have never even met their mother and talked about Racheal.

It's times like these where I get even more excited about serving the Lord. He was so evident to me that day, and as humans, I think we all need tangible reminders that He really is there and listens to us.

I have to admit, a part of me was disappointed that moving overseas isn't where I'm supposed to be right now, but the larger part of me is excited to see where He takes me with this new family, and continues to take me as I work with Dulci & Megan!

I know that this fall will be busy. I'm also going to be attending Moody Bible Institute through their distance learning program (at least for this year).

I've had many people ask me about this ; "Are you sure you can do that?"

While the 'job' (which is really so much more than a job, it's a passion) of working with two girls that require total care may be physically tiring, I always leave with my spirits lifted. Everything seems a little bit easier. I can't recall a time where I haven't left the Genzink's house with a smile on my face because of my growing love for Dulci, or the cute little smiles and giggles she'll give me, or just because the happiness of their family is contagious.

I'm very excited to see what this fall brings. I feel confident that here, with Dulci, Megan, and soon Racheal is where I'm supposed to be for right now. My heart is so content, and so full of love for these precious girls!

May He be glorified in all that we do, and He will be faithful to those who wait on Him!

Love,
Rachel

Haiti Trip 2011

I've been getting many, many questions about how my trip to Haiti was, so here's a somewhat detailed rundown of my trip to Port au Prince, Haiti (April 30-May14, 2011)

On Saturday, April 30, I left Grand Rapids with one of my team members, Ryan, to go to Port au Prince. Later in the day, when we got to Miami, we met our other team member, Bill. We arrived in Haiti around 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I must say, the Port au Prince airport (at least for incoming flights) was a little bit of a shock to me. I guess I unknowingly had higher expectations because of how nice the airport in Managua (Nicaragua) was. It was a bit chaotic, and everything went fairly smooth until we got outside. As soon as we stepped outside, there were many porters waiting, and wanting to take our bags. We just had to push through them and keep saying "No, no merci". Well, it ended up that one clever porter had copied our team leaders sign that read "Sous Espwa" (the ministry we worked with), and wanted our money. There were many people outside the gate of the airport begging for money, and I guess I was a little bit numb to it all. I wasn't feeling very well from the flight down, so I wasn't completely aware of what was going on around me. Our team leader, Ana, brought us to the Sous Espwa Ministry Center (owned by the Christian Reformed Church of Haiti-ECRH), and we pretty much just ate dinner and crashed for the night.

On Sunday, we went to a Christian Reformed church in Port au Prince. It was all in Creole, of course, but it was a very interesting service. It's always been a good experience for me to worship in another culture, even if I can't speak the language. It's a reminder that our God is not just in the United States, but He is living and active all around the world. After church, we met with some of the church leaders so that they could tell us more about their church, and some of their future hopes for a new building and location. They're in the process of raising money to buy land. The space that they're in now is being loaned to them, and it's not very big for their growing congregation.
We then went out for lunch with Ana and another CRWRC missionary, Kristie, who also gave us a tour of Port au Prince. I didn't really know what to expect driving around Port au Prince, especially since I hadn't been there before the earthquake. The devastation and destruction was shocking. I think that something that was even more shocking to me was all the tent cities. There are tents in pretty much every space that used to be open. There are 500,000 people still in tents, a lot of them too scared to go back to their homes, even if they've been deemed safe to live in again. Since the earthquake, and as a direct result of all the people living in tents, the percentage of sexual violence and rape has gone up pretty dramatically. There really is not security in a tent. While I was in Port au Prince, a 16 year old girl died because of her injuries from being raped. It really put things in perspective-how blessed am I to have a house that has locks on the doors? It's all because I was born in the U.S. It really hasn't been because of anything that I myself have done. It's something that I, and my team members, really came to terms with during the first few days. Something to think about.
On Monday, we went to Leogan with another group that was staying at the ministry center from Lakeside CRC (Alto, MI). Leogan is where the epicenter of the earthquake was, and is where CRWRC has their disaster relief site. We were able to do some home visits to some of the beneficiaries of their core house building project, and that was a blessing. It's so great to hear the personal testimonies of faith that these young families have. It was a very enjoyable day, and a favorite for all of us.
For the rest of the week, we did cement work. It was hard work, let me tell you. It was a completely new concept to me, which was a little frustrating at times, but it was a very good experience. They don't have any cement trucks there, and we were working on the second floor, so we had to haul sand, gravel, cement, and water up to the second floor. In the sun. HOT. And SWEATY. Wow. But, despite the constant wiping away of sweat, I felt like it was a positive experience to be able to work alongside a Haitian team. They are very hardworking and nice people, and it was good to be able to help them.
On Saturday (May 7), my team members both left, and I was picked up by the Tlucek's. They are missionaries from Idaho who have been in Port au Prince for 5 1/2 years working with Heartline Ministries, and have recently started a preschool program (2-5 years old) in their home. They have 5 adopted children (4 of which are Haitian) and a few other Haitian teenage boys living with them. There were a lot of boys, way more than I'm used to coming from a house with only 3 girls. It seemed like there was always something crazy going on, but it a lot of fun! They also have an 8 month old baby girl living with them, so you bet I had some nice baby bonding time! :)
Since January, they have added 15 children to their program, and they hadn't done any evaluations on them, so I worked on those for most of the week. It was testing things like fine motor skills, social skills, academic skills, etc. It was a lot of fun, and the kids were so much fun to work with!! I also got to hang out with the 2 year olds for a couple of days, and they are just so precious!! Some of their stories are so sad, and I could feel my heart breaking. I feel so blessed to have had the life that I have, and to be able to share Jesus with these little jewels!
It was such a positive experience. I could write many stories here, but my post is already pretty long.
I'm really excited to update soon about some developments that are happening concerning the "what's next?" question...but some of that is still hanging in the balance, and I'm playing the waiting game for a little while yet, but I'll let you know when I know! :)
For now, I'm sort of in love with the girl that I'm working with (and my sister, whom I also work with), and really enjoying loving my work! :) I feel so blessed to be able to say that.
I appreciate all the prayers that are still being said on my behalf!
Love,
Rachel

Worship

This is a topic that has been on my heart for the past couple of months, so here you go.

The Christian life is all about worship. It can be in many different forms. When you hear the word worship, you probably automatically think about music. Most people do.

But, worship is also in prayer, studying His Word, and in simply living life. God has called us, His chosen people, to live a life pleasing and glorifying to Him.

Considering what's at stake, we should want to do anything for our Lord and Savior, who shed His blood as a sacrifice not only for our sins as one person, but for the sins of the entire world!

Can you imagine? Sending your only son to earth, only to sacrifice him for the sins of humans? I, for one, don't think I'll ever understand the amount of love that took.

Then, Jesus proceeded to rise from the grave. Think about it. There's nothing more final than death. Yet our Savior conquered the grave! He is living and active in our lives!

Most of us will read this, think about it for awhile, and then the awesome feeling of being loved-truly loved-will go away.

We will go on with our daily lives, letting ourselves get stressed out and worked up about the things happening in our lives.

We'll go to church on Sunday, feel good for an hour, and the cycle repeats. Even at church, where we come together as believers, saved by the same loving and powerful God, we will hold back.

The feeling of being loved and cared for by the Creator of the entire universe should never go away! We should want to sing and dance for joy, because the Powerful One has chosen us to fall deeply in love with and know everything about. And not only us (as individuals), but every single person who has lived, is living, and will live on this earth!

Take a second to absorb that. He loves us-truly loves us! He cares for us, and He always will!

This life is not about us. God made the world, He made us, and gave us life. Most importantly, He gave us life in Him. He made us so we could praise Him and share His name, and bring it to the ends of the earth.

There are so many people who haven't had the opportunity to hear the gospel. So many people who need to know that there is someone who loves them, because they feel hopeless. They feel lost. They feel unloved.
No one deserves to feel that way.

Before Christ, we were the same as them. Hopeless. Lost. We felt unloved.

So, here's a challenge for you. Live your life as an offering to God. Show His love and kindness to everyone you meet.
Show the world how great of a God we serve by like like Him!

Live worship. Love worship. Serve Him.

Prayers, please

I would appreciate prayers at this time in my life...a time of seeking the Lord's will, and what my next step should be...my life feels so full of big decisions right now as I feel completely different about my life than I did 6 months ago.
Thanks for the prayers.
Love you all!
Rachel

Being Home...

Being home has been really great. But, now I feel like I should be going back, like this was a Christmas break. Honestly, I miss it terribly. I find myself thinking about Nicaragua constantly, thinking about the kids, what I would be doing at certain times, and wanting to go back. I look at pictures with some of my favorite kids for minutes at a time.

I'm going to answer the question that everybody has been asking: What's next?
Immediately, I'm taking 2 classes at Kuyper, and working full time doing respite care. After this semester, I have no idea. Well, I have ideas, but we'll see what God shows me. :)
I'm taking this semester, each day, as it comes. It's something that's hard to do, but is really good for me.
Right now, I can see myself living, and want to live on the mission field someday. Where? I don't know. When? No idea. I just know that if it's part of God's plan, it will all happen in His time.
While it's hard to let it all go and give it to God, it's been totally worth it so far. He hasn't disappointed me, and I don't anticipate disappointment.

God is revealing Himself and His heart more and more to me each day, and for now, I'm enjoying it, and it's more than enough. I'm falling more and more in love with Him each day. :)

Thanks for all your prayers and words of encouragement!!
Love,
Rachel