I Give You Control

I thought that it was probably time for an update, seeing as I've been living here for close to a month now.
I've been completely overwhelmed the last couple of weeks--first of all, at the faithfulness of God as I go through this transition, and second, at the support and love I have received from all of you back home!
This is a transition that has been really difficult for me. It's hard-and thrilling!-to be in a new culture where English is not the main language. I really struggle with Spanish, but I'm getting better at understanding what other people are saying. Here's the problem: I can't ever seem to come up with a response, I flounder. Ugh, it's so frustrating. Hopefully it will continue to get better though.
It's really hard to hold some of the kids at the school that can comprehend information not knowing what to say to them because they obviously only understand Spanish.
Today was fun, though. I sat with a little girl for probably 1/2 hour. We were alone, and I didn't really know what to say, so we just smiled and giggled at each other. :) This is the same little girl who came up to me on Monday and hugged my leg for 5 minutes just looking up at me and laughing. She's a cutie.
Mostly I've been overwhelmed at the poverty that's here. It's incredible, really. There are mothers here that have two children or more, and they're only 19 or 20 years old. I can't even begin to comprehend having 2 little ones running around when I don't even have enough money to support myself. It's sad, and something that can't be fully understood until you see it for yourself.
I just think about how incredibly blessed I am to live where I do in Nicaragua. There are houses that are made of wood and scrap metal all around, but I live in a house where there are separate rooms, and a roof that keeps the rain out-and it rains here, A LOT!
Then, I think about the conditions I am living in compared to the houses that I see in the States. First of all, there is no air conditioning here, and it's always 90 degrees or hotter. The electricity goes out at least once a day here. There are no dryers here...clothes are dried outside on a line. These are just a few examples of how blessed you all are in the States! I knew that I was blessed when I was living in Michigan, but, like I said, it's not a concept that can be fully grasped until you are thrown in the middle of an impoverished nation.
Last week, I went with a work team that was here from Ohio to do some house visits to a few of the kids that are in the program at Tesoros de Dios. The conditions that some of these children live in are so sad, and they have to care for a child with special needs in these conditions. It makes me think of my house and how blessed we are to be able to take care of Megan in such a nice house.
One of the children was in the hospital with pneumonia, so we went to the public hospital to go visit him. This was a major reality check for me. People do live like this, like I see in pictures. I need to see it firsthand to really believe it. I look at pictures and think, people don't really live like this, do they? Of course I know that they do, it's just that I'm so used to the comforts of the U.S. that I don't really take the time to think about how hard it must be.
There aren't any Butterworth Hospitals here. Private rooms? Unheard of (at least in the public hospitals...I can't speak for the private hospitals). The room that this little boy was in probably had 20-30 children's beds in it. There were no recliners or couches for the families to sit on-just one plastic chair so that the mother could be with the child. When I think about it, it makes me angry that we spend so much time planning/building hospitals and homes that are so luxurious and elaborate? Do we really need all those things? NO! It's so frustrating to me now that I've seen poverty firsthand.
But, the Lord is working in Nicaragua! I see Him in the beauty of the country, the beauty of the people, and the beauty of the children! It's amazing to think about when the people here have so little, yet they offer everything they have to the Lord. The church I go to on Saturday and Sunday nights is a really good example of this. The praise and worship is really cool, because the people there sing so loud. They don't care how loud they are, or if they might be off key, they just think about praising the Lord! Now, I think we can learn a thing or two from them! We often let self-consciousness and worry about whether we sound good or not get in the way of our time with God. It's kind of ridiculous, isn't it? I mean, if everyone is together for the same reason, why should we care how someone sounds when they sing, or if they pray out loud? We're all here for the same reason....to praise our Creator!
I know, I know, I feel kind of like a hypocrite when I say this, because I struggle with it too. It's something that I'm working on, and something that I'm willing to admit I struggle with.
So, here's a challenge for you--next time you go to church, or in your personal time with the Lord--don't think about how loud you're being when you sing or pray, just SING and PRAY! Praise our Father in Heaven who loves us, created us, and gave His life for us!

Prayer requests:
1) That I would be open to God's will
2) Prayers for the people of Nicaragua
3) For a revival! The world needs the Lord!

Never Underestimate my Jesus

So, I have been living in Managua for a little over a week now. Last week was a hard week, as I was pretty homesick the first couple of days, and Michelle (my supervisor, and the director of the school where I'm working) left the day after I got there. She's still not back yet, and I feel kind of lost with things at the school-how things work, etc.
Another thing that has been hard is learning Spanish. I'm not one of those people that just instantly learn something, especially a new language. I am finding that I understand and comprehend a lot more than I am able to respond. I have a really hard time coming up with the correct responses, so that is really frustrating!
The homesickness is a lot better though! Of course I miss my family, and fall time in Michigan, and all the normal things that I would be doing right now, but I'm feeling better about being here.
God has been revealing Himself to me in ways that I never thought possible. I am finding out SO much about myself. This has been an amazing week of soul searching and pleading with God to show me what to do.
Although it's been a struggle, I am adapting to Nicaraguan life-I'm eating lots of rice/beans, it's hot here (no AC!--count your blessings!), and I carry an umbrella with me wherever I go, as I never know when it will start to rain.
I haven't actually started working at the school yet, because Michelle is gone, and it's complicated for me to figure things out when no one else at Tesoros speaks English. She'll be back this Thursday, so I'm hoping to begin working at the school either Thurs. or Fri., which will be a good way to spend my afternoons.
I'm so thankful that I have all of you supporting me in prayer--I can definitely feel the prayers and I need them right now!
He's already revealing His plan to me--which is incredible to experience, and scary!
Please pray that the Lord will show me what to do with the experiences I encounter, that I will be a blessing, that I will be blessed by the people here, and that I will find complete peace in His plan.
Thanks for all your support, and I love each and every one of you!
Love,
Rachel

He is faithful, always faithful

You know what has been such a comfort to me in these past few weeks?
He hears us when we call!!
How amazing is that? The Creator of the Universe hears everything we say to Him!
Shortly after my last blog post, I was very frustrated with how my fundraising process was going. I felt like I had hit a cement wall in the process, and I had no idea how I was going to come up with the rest of the money. I started crying out to God, wondering if maybe, just maybe, He was trying to tell me something. Am I really supposed to be going to Nicaragua? Did He have some other plan for my life? I spent many hours of the night in tears, questioning whether I was hearing Him correctly, and listening for what He would reveal to me.
Well, guess what? He heard my cries! In about 2 weeks, I raised over half of my money!!!
I was so amazed, stunned, and humbled at the faithfulness of God and His people!
I know for sure that Nicaragua is where the Lord wants me, and this served as a definite reminder.
In my hours of doubt and fear, He showed me His neverending faithfulness to those that trust in Him.
"Your love O Lord, reaches to the heavens. Your faithfulness stretches to the skies." (Psalm 36:5)
I find that in my hardest times, I cling to Him the most. I think this is natural for most people. We tend to forget about God when things are going good, and you know why? We feel that there is nothing we need to ask for. We forget that we still need His grace every day to give us the kindness and love to show and tell others about His love. We need to praise Him in the good and the bad times, and we need to call on Him in the good and bad times. Although the praises and petitions that we bring to Him may change on a daily basis, the one thing that should remain constant in our prayers is that He will give us the grace to get through the day living the way He wants us to.
I've had my share of struggles and pain, as most have. I have hit rock bottom, and it is not a fun place to be. When I was at my lowest point, I felt that I didn't need God-I could handle my problems on my own. We were all created with a hole inside of us, a hole that only God can fill. If we don't fully rely on God to get us through each day, then there's something missing. We can't put anything else in that hole-drug addiction, alcoholism, abusive behavior, self injury, NOTHING. Only God belongs there, and when that hole is filled, our lives are complete.
We need not do anything else in our lives than live for Him alone.

If you would like to hear my testimony about how God has rescued me, I would LOVE to share it with you...just let me know! :)

Also, there are only 11 days before I leave, please pray that I will not be anxious, and that I will have safe travels there and not get too homesick!
Thanks!
Love,
Rachel

"My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused." -Hosea 11:8

It's official folks! I'm leaving Chicago for Managua, Nicaragua on Monday, August 30! :)
I will be returning on the 22nd of December...and my dad reminds me that this is now less than 25 weeks away. Nice.

Now comes the time where I freak out. My emotions are all over the place. One minute I'm scared to death of going to a foreign country all by myself, the next minute I'm incredibly excited for what God has in store for me, and the next I'm wondering what in the world God was thinking when He first instilled a passion for missions in my heart. You get the point. I'm emotional, some would argue to the point of insanity. But, I think this is where God wants me. I'm scared of totally trusting in Him, but know that this is the only way that I will be successful in the ultimate mission-bringing His love to the people of the world without holding back.

Here's another thing I'm scared of-falling completely in love with missions. Yes, I've already started falling in love with missions, particularly in the area of ministering to those with special needs. The fact that I have absolutely no idea what total reliance on God means is scary to me. I feel like I'm hanging on to Him with all I have within me right now, but know that's not true. I'm holding back more than I'd like to admit. I'm sure that this will become very evident as I follow His call to the mission field. God is preparing my heart, though. I'm so unbelievably excited to see what God is going to do through me when I get to Nicaragua, and am praying that He will give me the confirmation I need, no matter what that is. As long as I'm doing what He wants, and doing it in His time, then I have to trust that everything will work out. It's not about what I want, it's about what He wants! I want to want a lot of the "normal" things in life right now-college, relationships, etc-but living a life that glorifies God is so much more important, and a lot more rewarding in the end, no matter how crazy the rest of the world thinks I am.

The Lord is changing my heart. Enough said.

Prayer Requests:
-That God will reveal His will to me clearly
-That I won't experience much homesickness/culture shock
-Safe travels

Thanks! I am so thankful for and love each and every one of you! :)

Love,
Rachel

Done

Here I am, a high school graduate. An alumni of Byron Center Charter. Is it weird? Well, yes, of course it is. School is all I've ever known. Knowing that I'm not obligated to go back to school is strange. Is it everything I thought it would be? Yes, but much more emotional than I ever imagined. Next week, one of my closest friends that I've known since I was five is leaving for Virginia, and it's kind of a reality check, a slap in the face, if you will. We're grown up-adults-going into the big, bad world as individuals, doing whatever we feel passionate for. It's so strange, and with it comes a whole bunch of emotions.

Lately I've been struggling with all of these emotions which have overcome me since the end of high school. All of my friends are going off to college somewhere to pursue their passions, and here I am, leaving for 4 months to a country that I know very little about. I'm having doubts, fears, trouble sleeping, and most of all, the realization that it's coming sooner than I'd like (to be completely honest).

What do I do when these feelings come? Well, I realize that I'm leaning on God more than I ever thought possible, and know that I will do a ton more leaning on Him while I'm down there. I also know that the doubts and fears about myself that I'm having are not godly at all. They are of the devil. He's trying to convince me that Nicaragua is not where I'm supposed to be, and that I won't be good at it. Then, I remember that God laid this on my heart for a reason. The full reason I'm not sure of yet, but I definitely know that I will be blessed at the very least. God has been so good to me. It's hard to imagine myself going to a foreign country with foreign customs, language, and culture. But, I know that if I go fully relying on God, I will not be let down. Yes, there will still be times of fear, pain, and homesickness, but God will get me through it.

I'm clinging to God with all I have in me.

Your Love is a Song

First of all, Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there! I am so blessed to have an amazing mother and grandmothers! :)

Second, I have some updates on Nicaragua! I have a date! I am going to be there by the 28th of August for training at the Nehemiah Center. So, I'm planning on leaving from Grand Rapids on the 26th of August!!!! I considered staying through Christmas, but decided that I will be coming back on the 23rd of December, after Tesoros de Dios(the school where I'll be working) closes for the holidays. I am super excited to finally have dates! It was a little uncertain for a while whether I'd actually be leaving in August or the middle of September. For the first 3 weeks that I'm there, I will be in language school with other Americans, which will be really good for me. This is mostly due to the fact that the director at Tesoros de Dios will be gone, and because of Nicaraguan holidays, so there won't be much school going on in those 3 weeks. I start working at Tesoros de Dios on the 20th of September, and will continue through the 23rd of December. It sounds like I will be working both as a special needs assistant, and a therapy assistant part of the time. I'm really excited, because they have equine therapy there (horses)! I loved watching Megan go horseback riding when she was younger, so I'm really glad for this opportunity!!

Thirdly, I only have 2.5 weeks left of high school...eeeeek! I'm really excited, yet scared. I have dreamed of this ever since I was a freshman, and now that it's almost here, I can honestly say that I'm scared to death. It's an end to a chapter that I truly enjoyed. I had so many hard times, but a ton of great times as well. I had so many great opportunities, and will be sad to see some of them go, such as leading Bible Study and being on Yearbook. I hope that these opportunities will be able to continue while I'm at Kuyper. Oh yeah...by the way...I'm going to Kuyper!!!!! I'm super excited about it, as I truly believe that this is where God wants me to be. I'm going to be in the Cross Cultural Studies program, as well as the Business Administration minor, in hopes of eventually starting my own Christian organization that ministers to special needs kids in third world countries. I'm really excited about where God has led me, even though it was to a totally different place than where I thought! So that's where my life is at right now, and I'm in a very happy place! :) :)

"Oh, Your love is a symphony, all around me, running through me. Oh, Your love is a melody, underneath me, running to me. Oh, Your love is a song. " -Switchfoot (Your Love is a Song)

Head Over Heels In LOVE!

Last week, the juniors and seniors at my school had the opportunity to go to Washington, D.C. for Spring Break. I was one of the 6 seniors that went. It was an amazing time! Although we did travel all through the night and go right into sight seeing, we still managed to have a good time. The last time that I was in D.C., my grandpa was with us as a family. Seeing all the memorials, especially the WWII Memorial managed to pry open some old wounds. But, I made it through and stayed close to God, knowing that if I wavered, I would end up in a deep depression again, which I did not want to experience. Each morning, I woke up early to do my devotions so I could start my day out with a blessing, knowing that God would be with me throughout the day.

Well, one night we got back to the hotel early, so I decided to do another devotion time. I'll tell ya right now that I'm so glad that I did. God spoke to me SO much through that devotion time. I just couldn't get enough of His Word. I was reading in 1 Corinthians, as well as a few other places, about love and the love that He has for us. It was in those verses, and in those moments of reflecting on His love that I knew where I wanted to be, and what to do with my life. It served as yet another confirmation that there are WAY too many children out there in the world that don't know the love of Jesus, and they need that love! God has been SO good to me throughout these last couple months of struggling with my future. Ever since that night, I have fallen head over heels in love with God! It's so amazing, and I've never felt this way before! I suppose it could be compared to being in love with someone here on earth. Your heart races, shivers down the spine, etc. I have those same feelings...with the Creator of the Universe!!! How amazing is that? That He would love me so much to give His only Son to die on the cross for me?
I love being in love [in it's purest form]!!! :)

"More than my next breath, more than life or death. All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know You more. I leave it all behind, You're all that satisfies. To know You is to want to know You more!" -Casting Crowns-