Done

Here I am, a high school graduate. An alumni of Byron Center Charter. Is it weird? Well, yes, of course it is. School is all I've ever known. Knowing that I'm not obligated to go back to school is strange. Is it everything I thought it would be? Yes, but much more emotional than I ever imagined. Next week, one of my closest friends that I've known since I was five is leaving for Virginia, and it's kind of a reality check, a slap in the face, if you will. We're grown up-adults-going into the big, bad world as individuals, doing whatever we feel passionate for. It's so strange, and with it comes a whole bunch of emotions.

Lately I've been struggling with all of these emotions which have overcome me since the end of high school. All of my friends are going off to college somewhere to pursue their passions, and here I am, leaving for 4 months to a country that I know very little about. I'm having doubts, fears, trouble sleeping, and most of all, the realization that it's coming sooner than I'd like (to be completely honest).

What do I do when these feelings come? Well, I realize that I'm leaning on God more than I ever thought possible, and know that I will do a ton more leaning on Him while I'm down there. I also know that the doubts and fears about myself that I'm having are not godly at all. They are of the devil. He's trying to convince me that Nicaragua is not where I'm supposed to be, and that I won't be good at it. Then, I remember that God laid this on my heart for a reason. The full reason I'm not sure of yet, but I definitely know that I will be blessed at the very least. God has been so good to me. It's hard to imagine myself going to a foreign country with foreign customs, language, and culture. But, I know that if I go fully relying on God, I will not be let down. Yes, there will still be times of fear, pain, and homesickness, but God will get me through it.

I'm clinging to God with all I have in me.

Your Love is a Song

First of all, Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there! I am so blessed to have an amazing mother and grandmothers! :)

Second, I have some updates on Nicaragua! I have a date! I am going to be there by the 28th of August for training at the Nehemiah Center. So, I'm planning on leaving from Grand Rapids on the 26th of August!!!! I considered staying through Christmas, but decided that I will be coming back on the 23rd of December, after Tesoros de Dios(the school where I'll be working) closes for the holidays. I am super excited to finally have dates! It was a little uncertain for a while whether I'd actually be leaving in August or the middle of September. For the first 3 weeks that I'm there, I will be in language school with other Americans, which will be really good for me. This is mostly due to the fact that the director at Tesoros de Dios will be gone, and because of Nicaraguan holidays, so there won't be much school going on in those 3 weeks. I start working at Tesoros de Dios on the 20th of September, and will continue through the 23rd of December. It sounds like I will be working both as a special needs assistant, and a therapy assistant part of the time. I'm really excited, because they have equine therapy there (horses)! I loved watching Megan go horseback riding when she was younger, so I'm really glad for this opportunity!!

Thirdly, I only have 2.5 weeks left of high school...eeeeek! I'm really excited, yet scared. I have dreamed of this ever since I was a freshman, and now that it's almost here, I can honestly say that I'm scared to death. It's an end to a chapter that I truly enjoyed. I had so many hard times, but a ton of great times as well. I had so many great opportunities, and will be sad to see some of them go, such as leading Bible Study and being on Yearbook. I hope that these opportunities will be able to continue while I'm at Kuyper. Oh yeah...by the way...I'm going to Kuyper!!!!! I'm super excited about it, as I truly believe that this is where God wants me to be. I'm going to be in the Cross Cultural Studies program, as well as the Business Administration minor, in hopes of eventually starting my own Christian organization that ministers to special needs kids in third world countries. I'm really excited about where God has led me, even though it was to a totally different place than where I thought! So that's where my life is at right now, and I'm in a very happy place! :) :)

"Oh, Your love is a symphony, all around me, running through me. Oh, Your love is a melody, underneath me, running to me. Oh, Your love is a song. " -Switchfoot (Your Love is a Song)

Head Over Heels In LOVE!

Last week, the juniors and seniors at my school had the opportunity to go to Washington, D.C. for Spring Break. I was one of the 6 seniors that went. It was an amazing time! Although we did travel all through the night and go right into sight seeing, we still managed to have a good time. The last time that I was in D.C., my grandpa was with us as a family. Seeing all the memorials, especially the WWII Memorial managed to pry open some old wounds. But, I made it through and stayed close to God, knowing that if I wavered, I would end up in a deep depression again, which I did not want to experience. Each morning, I woke up early to do my devotions so I could start my day out with a blessing, knowing that God would be with me throughout the day.

Well, one night we got back to the hotel early, so I decided to do another devotion time. I'll tell ya right now that I'm so glad that I did. God spoke to me SO much through that devotion time. I just couldn't get enough of His Word. I was reading in 1 Corinthians, as well as a few other places, about love and the love that He has for us. It was in those verses, and in those moments of reflecting on His love that I knew where I wanted to be, and what to do with my life. It served as yet another confirmation that there are WAY too many children out there in the world that don't know the love of Jesus, and they need that love! God has been SO good to me throughout these last couple months of struggling with my future. Ever since that night, I have fallen head over heels in love with God! It's so amazing, and I've never felt this way before! I suppose it could be compared to being in love with someone here on earth. Your heart races, shivers down the spine, etc. I have those same feelings...with the Creator of the Universe!!! How amazing is that? That He would love me so much to give His only Son to die on the cross for me?
I love being in love [in it's purest form]!!! :)

"More than my next breath, more than life or death. All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know You more. I leave it all behind, You're all that satisfies. To know You is to want to know You more!" -Casting Crowns-

A Concert Really CAN Change Your Life :)

Okay, so you'll remember last week's post, where I voiced my struggles and concerns about the future and what God had in His divine plan for me. Well, God is amazing! He did something SO cool this week...here's the story:

I've been praying fervently for God to show me what His plan is for my life, and how He'll use me. He definitely answered that prayer in a very clear way this past week. On Thursday, March 25, the Winter Jam tour was in Grand Rapids. This was my second year going, because I absolutely loved it last year and the lineup was amazing this year. I went to this concert seeking God, because I always feel so close to God when I'm worshiping through music. This year's tour was especially cool. The whole theme of their tour, and a lot of the verses the musicians referred to in their messages/testimonies were about missions and changing the lives of others through the love of Jesus. Well, I thought that was pretty cool, because it related so much to my life.

The speaker was Tony Nolan (who is an amazing and powerful preacher). He told his story of redemption through God's love, which gives me chills. Then, later on in the concert, he told his story of adoption and how it has changed his life. He brought out his little girl, who he adopted last August. Well, guess what? Not only was she the most adorable little girl, but she also has special needs. Right then, I just wanted to start crying. It was the most amazing feeling ever, and I'm not really sure that I can explain it. I knew that this was God's way of telling me that special needs missions was right where I needed to be. The ridiculously powerful sense of peace that I felt right after he shared his testimony was so amazing, and I was pretty emotional.

I'll tell you this right now, I have never felt SO CLOSE to God in a room of thousands. I have never felt His hands holding me like I did right then. I've never felt like dropping to my knees and praising Him as much as I did then. The Holy Spirit is POWERFUL! The rest of the concert was just amazing. Like I said, I've never felt so close to God. It was simply the most amazing concert I've ever been to, because that night changed everything for me. I'm not worrying about what's to come, because I know where God wants me to be. I'm not worrying about anything, because I know that God will supply my needs.

My Life as of 3.19.10

So, I know it hasn't been very long since I've posted...but a few things have changed.
I'm still going to Nicaragua, no worries there. :) I'm finding that I'm getting more and more excited. But, with more excitement comes more nervousness. That scares me a little bit. I don't like feeling nervous. I guess I'm trying to rely on God through all of this, and I know He is faithful and will provide, but the money figures scare the crap out of me. I'm not sure exactly how much it's going to cost yet, but I know it's not going to be cheap. All I can do right now is trust that He will provide like He always has.
I'm also having a hard time deciding on things for the summer. I need to have a job so I can pay for my trip to Nicaragua(at least some of it). I have 4 job offers on the table right now, 2 out of state, and 2 in state. I also have an interview tomorrow to care for a special needs girl and her brother in the early morning M-F during the summer. If I'm completely honest with myself, I want to stay in Michigan. Even though I know it would be good for me to get away, and I kind of want to, I know that will be happening in the late summer.
Here's the hardest part of my situation: What happens in January once I'm back?
Ever since I can remember, I've said that I want to be a special education teacher, and now I'm not so sure. I don't think teaching is where I want to be. I think God laid missions and working with special needs kids on my heart for a reason. I think that I want to study missions and special education so that I can work at some mission organization that ministers to those with special needs. This is hard for me to digest, because my answer to the question "What do you want to do with your life?" has always been the same answer "I want to study Special Education" Don't get me wrong, I definitely want to work with special needs kids, just in a different capacity than I always thought I wanted to.
I really want to go to Bethany College of Missions in Minnesota to get a Bachelor's degree in Missions, and maybe start my Special Education degree while I'm going there, or maybe once I get a job. Who knows. I just know that with my experience with special needs kids, and the way that I feel when I'm around them is no mistake. I can't put into words how I feel when I'm around special needs kids, especially those who are severely multiply impaired. When they make those achievements that seem so little to everyone else, and you see the smile and tears in a mother/teacher's eyes...I can't imagine ministering to anyone else. So many of them don't feel the love of Jesus...they feel the exact opposite. They feel left out and are often left to die in the streets of third world countries. I want to change that. I want to make them feel loved and have the love of Jesus in their hearts. I can't imagine doing anything different with my life than this.
So that's where I'm at right now with college/future plans. It's really hard to think about for me, but I'm leaning on Him, and He will get me through it.

Our Gift to God

"What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God." -Eleanor Powell

I came across this quote a few months ago, and I thought it was so cool, and SO true. The reason we are here is because God put us here. He knit us together in our mother's womb, at just the right time, and in just the right place. Make no mistake people, we are here for a reason! Don't ever think that God made you by mistake; that you were born into the world at the wrong time, or that you have nothing to give to the world. God has given all of us special talents and gifts to give to the world. But, not only do we need to use these gifts in the world, we need to glorify Him while doing it. After all, He is the one who blessed us with families, friends, and a place to live. Why shouldn't we want to give all we have back to Him?

He has blessed us in SO many ways that we normally don't even think about. We have food, plenty of it, we have clean water, transportation, and homes to live in. Did you ever stop to think about the people that only get a meal a day(or less)? The people that have to walk miles just to get one bucket of clean water? The people that don't have access to clean water at all? The people that have to walk everywhere, no matter the distance? The people that sleep on the streets, risking being kidnapped by rebel armies? Most people don't, but YOU can make a difference. YOU can use the gifts and talents that God has given you to bless the world, to make it a better place. You can use your gifts to give people hope by shining His light. Remember that song you sang when you were little? "This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine!"
Get out in the world and let your light shine for God!

Open Hands

I'm new to this whole blog thing, but I thought this would be a good idea to share my thoughts with people, and to update on what's going on regarding my plans for the fall and just life in general. So here goes.

So there's this song by Matt Papa called "Open Hands" Here's a little piece of the chorus:
"I lift my hands open wide, let the whole world see,
how you love, how you died, how you set me free,
free at last, I surrender all I am, with open hands."

This pretty much describes my life to a T right now, and has inspired the name of my blog.
As many of you know, I am planning on going to Nicaragua for 4 months starting in August. I will be working with special needs children down there as a special education classroom assistant. I know that these situations can change with conditions of the country, but for right now, I'm planning on it. This is why this song is so special to me. I've felt called to go into Special Education ever since I was a little girl. Megan has inspired me so much throughout my life, which is why I give so much of my time to working with special needs individuals. I love how they enjoy the simple things in life, things that we are often too busy to notice, or just don't appreciate.

Well, I still know that special education is my calling, but I also have a passion for missions. God kind of 'slapped me in the face' with it last summer when I was having doubts about special education teaching. I wasn't sure if teaching was where I should be. All of a sudden, I had this ridiculous passion for missions. I can't even explain it. It was so out of the blue and it kind of scared me at first. I ignored the longing for a little while, then I started to really consider making it a part of my life. But then there was a problem. How was I going to merge special education with missions? I'm not sure where this will lead me in terms of what I study in college, and how much I decide to focus on each aspect, but I know that right now is my time to serve those overseas with special needs. It's a little scary, because most kids my age will be heading off to college, while I travel all by myself to a foreign country. This is where the song comes in.

"To give unselfishly, to love the least of these...Jesus I'm learning how to live with open hands"
Learning is such a great word here. I'm simply learning right now. The concept of being away from home for 4 months, and living in a completely different culture scares me. But, I'm learning how to give my life unselfishly, and "to love the least of these" I think that, once I'm down there, it won't be so hard. Yes, I'll still be learning, but I'll have a whole new perspective on love and living unselfishly. You see, we're so selfish here. We don't always like to admit it, but we are. Have you ever thought about how much food you waste? Throwing away something because it's 1 day past the expiration date? Kids in Nicaragua, or any other poor country, would be so thankful to have that food, and here we are, taking that simple blessing of having food in our houses for granted. It's things like this that God is teaching me. I'm learning to be thankful for the things that I have, not to be selfish, and to love no matter what, especially when it's hard.

For now, learning is good. But, I can't wait to get down to Nicaragua and put my learning into real life situations. I can't wait to show the love of Christ to kids who are otherwise considered 'odd' or 'unwanted'. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me in Nicaragua, because I'm sure it's a lot more than what I'm aware of right now. I can't wait for Him to show me how to live with my hands even more open than they are now, because I know living with totally open hands will glorify Him, and what else do I need to do besides that?