So I thought that it might be a good idea to update everyone on how I've been doing, and the work I've been doing at the school!
My time at the school is going well.
The school is split up into two sections. There's the school area (for the higher functioning kids) and the early intervention area (this is also where children who are severely impaired are). I've been spending the majority of my time in the school area. This is mostly due to the fact that the moms stay with the kids who are in the early intervention area, so it doesn't feel like there's as much that I can do to help there.
It's been going pretty well. It's very tricky and frustrating that I can't speak to the kids very well. I feel so lost on some days, because it's like I've completely lost my voice.
When the kids get there in the morning, they sing and do some sign language work. Then, they go to the class area and do crafts, homework, fine motor skill work, and things like flashcards to learn animals, flowers, etc. I just help out wherever I'm needed. They also have a computer program that they do dictations with.
A week ago, Jackie, another American who was working at the school, left after being there for one month. She is a professor at a college in Massachusetts and does Occupational Therapy/Physical Therapy. I really enjoyed having her there! It was really nice to speak English, and I really learned a lot from her!
I am now 'in charge' of doing a side lying board for kids who are severely impaired. Basically, most of these kids spend all of their time (literally!) on their backs, and some of them are developing severe scoliosis because of the positions that they are in all the time. This board is so that they get time to lay on their side, and while they're lying there, I do sensory stimulation. Some of the kids don't even realize what their hands can do...so I rub things with different textures over their hands, arms, and faces. It's interesting to see the different reactions based on the child!
Per Jackie's suggestion, we also started a store...which I am also in charge of! Basically, we went to the market and bought a bunch of trinkets that we're selling to the kids. They earn tickets based on their academic/behavioral performance over a week's time. Each ticket is worth 1 cordoba. They come to me with their tickets, and I give them the number of cordobas that corresponds with the tickets. They can then purchase things based on how much money they have. It's nice for them to have experience working with money, and get a reward for doing well on their school work! They love it too!
I just found out today that I will be working with a kid on Friday afternoons being his 'aide'. He's new to the program, and they aren't really sure what to do with him sometimes-his reactions to certain situations need to be re-directed. So, they're hoping that maybe having someone work one on one with him will help...so I'm going to give it a try, and have some ideas of what could be done to make both his experience, as well as the teachers', be better, especially since he only comes once a week!
That's pretty much what's been going on at the school. Outside of school, I've been hanging out with some other missionaries down here--trying to get connected! It's the one thing that's especially hard about living with a host family. I'm kind of disconnected from other Americans. I'm also hoping to take a general Bible class for the rest of my time here, so that I have something to occupy my nights, and it will definitely be good for me in many other ways!
Thanks SO much for the love and support! I SO appreciate it!
Love,
Rachel
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
A Mother's Love
You’ve all heard the analogies and the poems expressing the love that a mother has for her child. It’s true. The love that is shown by a mother to her children is inexpressible and true. I’ve always known that. I have a mother that shows that kind of forgiving love to me.
I've never seen a mother's love as amplified as I have seen it here. You know that children with special needs have a hard time in the States being accepted and loved by society, and sometimes, even their own families. All the mothers that I have met and observed here have a love for their child with special needs that melts my heart. It humbles me and amazes me.
They are so poor, some living in tiny houses made of scrap metal and wood, doing everything they can just to survive. Despite their circumstances, despite the trials that they face every day, they love their children, especially their child with special needs. It would be easy for them to hand them off to an orphanage, abandon them. Their lives are challenging, their stories heartbreaking, their children precious. Yet still they press on and love with all they are.
Like I said, we think that some children have it bad in the States, and some children do struggle in the States. Nothing compares to the struggles of a child with special needs here. It's drastic, real, and tragic. The mothers don't have lifts in their homes to move their child around the home, they don't have wheelchairs to get them around the neighborhood, they don't have handicap accessible vans, and they don't have houses considered adequate for occupying a person with special needs.
These mothers carry around their children everywhere, no matter how big they are. They have no choice. You should see some of the kids at the school. It's not that they're big-most of them are as thin as a rail. They are just long and with the way that their bodies are because of their disabilities, it's not always easy to pick them up and keep a good grasp on them. If you've ever worked with a person with a severe disability, such as severe Cerebral Palsy, you know what I'm talking about.
As I was talking to another person at the school today (who's American), we were discussing this very thing. How long are these mothers going to be able to do this? Their backs eventually aren't going to let them, and they're going to have severe problems when they keep lifting their children despite their pain. They do it despite their pain.
They love tirelessly, smile despite their circumstances, and what do I get out of it?
A challenge! What if I loved like that? No matter how much pain (physical or otherwise) it causes me, to love my enemies, and not only my enemies, but everyone around me.
When my body or my mind says "I can't take it anymore!", I press on and keep on loving!
So much easier said than done, but a good challenge none the less.
Thanks so much for reading...love you all!
Rachel
I've never seen a mother's love as amplified as I have seen it here. You know that children with special needs have a hard time in the States being accepted and loved by society, and sometimes, even their own families. All the mothers that I have met and observed here have a love for their child with special needs that melts my heart. It humbles me and amazes me.
They are so poor, some living in tiny houses made of scrap metal and wood, doing everything they can just to survive. Despite their circumstances, despite the trials that they face every day, they love their children, especially their child with special needs. It would be easy for them to hand them off to an orphanage, abandon them. Their lives are challenging, their stories heartbreaking, their children precious. Yet still they press on and love with all they are.
Like I said, we think that some children have it bad in the States, and some children do struggle in the States. Nothing compares to the struggles of a child with special needs here. It's drastic, real, and tragic. The mothers don't have lifts in their homes to move their child around the home, they don't have wheelchairs to get them around the neighborhood, they don't have handicap accessible vans, and they don't have houses considered adequate for occupying a person with special needs.
These mothers carry around their children everywhere, no matter how big they are. They have no choice. You should see some of the kids at the school. It's not that they're big-most of them are as thin as a rail. They are just long and with the way that their bodies are because of their disabilities, it's not always easy to pick them up and keep a good grasp on them. If you've ever worked with a person with a severe disability, such as severe Cerebral Palsy, you know what I'm talking about.
As I was talking to another person at the school today (who's American), we were discussing this very thing. How long are these mothers going to be able to do this? Their backs eventually aren't going to let them, and they're going to have severe problems when they keep lifting their children despite their pain. They do it despite their pain.
They love tirelessly, smile despite their circumstances, and what do I get out of it?
A challenge! What if I loved like that? No matter how much pain (physical or otherwise) it causes me, to love my enemies, and not only my enemies, but everyone around me.
When my body or my mind says "I can't take it anymore!", I press on and keep on loving!
So much easier said than done, but a good challenge none the less.
Thanks so much for reading...love you all!
Rachel
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
I Give You Control
I thought that it was probably time for an update, seeing as I've been living here for close to a month now.
I've been completely overwhelmed the last couple of weeks--first of all, at the faithfulness of God as I go through this transition, and second, at the support and love I have received from all of you back home!
This is a transition that has been really difficult for me. It's hard-and thrilling!-to be in a new culture where English is not the main language. I really struggle with Spanish, but I'm getting better at understanding what other people are saying. Here's the problem: I can't ever seem to come up with a response, I flounder. Ugh, it's so frustrating. Hopefully it will continue to get better though.
It's really hard to hold some of the kids at the school that can comprehend information not knowing what to say to them because they obviously only understand Spanish.
Today was fun, though. I sat with a little girl for probably 1/2 hour. We were alone, and I didn't really know what to say, so we just smiled and giggled at each other. :) This is the same little girl who came up to me on Monday and hugged my leg for 5 minutes just looking up at me and laughing. She's a cutie.
Mostly I've been overwhelmed at the poverty that's here. It's incredible, really. There are mothers here that have two children or more, and they're only 19 or 20 years old. I can't even begin to comprehend having 2 little ones running around when I don't even have enough money to support myself. It's sad, and something that can't be fully understood until you see it for yourself.
I just think about how incredibly blessed I am to live where I do in Nicaragua. There are houses that are made of wood and scrap metal all around, but I live in a house where there are separate rooms, and a roof that keeps the rain out-and it rains here, A LOT!
Then, I think about the conditions I am living in compared to the houses that I see in the States. First of all, there is no air conditioning here, and it's always 90 degrees or hotter. The electricity goes out at least once a day here. There are no dryers here...clothes are dried outside on a line. These are just a few examples of how blessed you all are in the States! I knew that I was blessed when I was living in Michigan, but, like I said, it's not a concept that can be fully grasped until you are thrown in the middle of an impoverished nation.
Last week, I went with a work team that was here from Ohio to do some house visits to a few of the kids that are in the program at Tesoros de Dios. The conditions that some of these children live in are so sad, and they have to care for a child with special needs in these conditions. It makes me think of my house and how blessed we are to be able to take care of Megan in such a nice house.
One of the children was in the hospital with pneumonia, so we went to the public hospital to go visit him. This was a major reality check for me. People do live like this, like I see in pictures. I need to see it firsthand to really believe it. I look at pictures and think, people don't really live like this, do they? Of course I know that they do, it's just that I'm so used to the comforts of the U.S. that I don't really take the time to think about how hard it must be.
There aren't any Butterworth Hospitals here. Private rooms? Unheard of (at least in the public hospitals...I can't speak for the private hospitals). The room that this little boy was in probably had 20-30 children's beds in it. There were no recliners or couches for the families to sit on-just one plastic chair so that the mother could be with the child. When I think about it, it makes me angry that we spend so much time planning/building hospitals and homes that are so luxurious and elaborate? Do we really need all those things? NO! It's so frustrating to me now that I've seen poverty firsthand.
But, the Lord is working in Nicaragua! I see Him in the beauty of the country, the beauty of the people, and the beauty of the children! It's amazing to think about when the people here have so little, yet they offer everything they have to the Lord. The church I go to on Saturday and Sunday nights is a really good example of this. The praise and worship is really cool, because the people there sing so loud. They don't care how loud they are, or if they might be off key, they just think about praising the Lord! Now, I think we can learn a thing or two from them! We often let self-consciousness and worry about whether we sound good or not get in the way of our time with God. It's kind of ridiculous, isn't it? I mean, if everyone is together for the same reason, why should we care how someone sounds when they sing, or if they pray out loud? We're all here for the same reason....to praise our Creator!
I know, I know, I feel kind of like a hypocrite when I say this, because I struggle with it too. It's something that I'm working on, and something that I'm willing to admit I struggle with.
So, here's a challenge for you--next time you go to church, or in your personal time with the Lord--don't think about how loud you're being when you sing or pray, just SING and PRAY! Praise our Father in Heaven who loves us, created us, and gave His life for us!
Prayer requests:
1) That I would be open to God's will
2) Prayers for the people of Nicaragua
3) For a revival! The world needs the Lord!
I've been completely overwhelmed the last couple of weeks--first of all, at the faithfulness of God as I go through this transition, and second, at the support and love I have received from all of you back home!
This is a transition that has been really difficult for me. It's hard-and thrilling!-to be in a new culture where English is not the main language. I really struggle with Spanish, but I'm getting better at understanding what other people are saying. Here's the problem: I can't ever seem to come up with a response, I flounder. Ugh, it's so frustrating. Hopefully it will continue to get better though.
It's really hard to hold some of the kids at the school that can comprehend information not knowing what to say to them because they obviously only understand Spanish.
Today was fun, though. I sat with a little girl for probably 1/2 hour. We were alone, and I didn't really know what to say, so we just smiled and giggled at each other. :) This is the same little girl who came up to me on Monday and hugged my leg for 5 minutes just looking up at me and laughing. She's a cutie.
Mostly I've been overwhelmed at the poverty that's here. It's incredible, really. There are mothers here that have two children or more, and they're only 19 or 20 years old. I can't even begin to comprehend having 2 little ones running around when I don't even have enough money to support myself. It's sad, and something that can't be fully understood until you see it for yourself.
I just think about how incredibly blessed I am to live where I do in Nicaragua. There are houses that are made of wood and scrap metal all around, but I live in a house where there are separate rooms, and a roof that keeps the rain out-and it rains here, A LOT!
Then, I think about the conditions I am living in compared to the houses that I see in the States. First of all, there is no air conditioning here, and it's always 90 degrees or hotter. The electricity goes out at least once a day here. There are no dryers here...clothes are dried outside on a line. These are just a few examples of how blessed you all are in the States! I knew that I was blessed when I was living in Michigan, but, like I said, it's not a concept that can be fully grasped until you are thrown in the middle of an impoverished nation.
Last week, I went with a work team that was here from Ohio to do some house visits to a few of the kids that are in the program at Tesoros de Dios. The conditions that some of these children live in are so sad, and they have to care for a child with special needs in these conditions. It makes me think of my house and how blessed we are to be able to take care of Megan in such a nice house.
One of the children was in the hospital with pneumonia, so we went to the public hospital to go visit him. This was a major reality check for me. People do live like this, like I see in pictures. I need to see it firsthand to really believe it. I look at pictures and think, people don't really live like this, do they? Of course I know that they do, it's just that I'm so used to the comforts of the U.S. that I don't really take the time to think about how hard it must be.
There aren't any Butterworth Hospitals here. Private rooms? Unheard of (at least in the public hospitals...I can't speak for the private hospitals). The room that this little boy was in probably had 20-30 children's beds in it. There were no recliners or couches for the families to sit on-just one plastic chair so that the mother could be with the child. When I think about it, it makes me angry that we spend so much time planning/building hospitals and homes that are so luxurious and elaborate? Do we really need all those things? NO! It's so frustrating to me now that I've seen poverty firsthand.
But, the Lord is working in Nicaragua! I see Him in the beauty of the country, the beauty of the people, and the beauty of the children! It's amazing to think about when the people here have so little, yet they offer everything they have to the Lord. The church I go to on Saturday and Sunday nights is a really good example of this. The praise and worship is really cool, because the people there sing so loud. They don't care how loud they are, or if they might be off key, they just think about praising the Lord! Now, I think we can learn a thing or two from them! We often let self-consciousness and worry about whether we sound good or not get in the way of our time with God. It's kind of ridiculous, isn't it? I mean, if everyone is together for the same reason, why should we care how someone sounds when they sing, or if they pray out loud? We're all here for the same reason....to praise our Creator!
I know, I know, I feel kind of like a hypocrite when I say this, because I struggle with it too. It's something that I'm working on, and something that I'm willing to admit I struggle with.
So, here's a challenge for you--next time you go to church, or in your personal time with the Lord--don't think about how loud you're being when you sing or pray, just SING and PRAY! Praise our Father in Heaven who loves us, created us, and gave His life for us!
Prayer requests:
1) That I would be open to God's will
2) Prayers for the people of Nicaragua
3) For a revival! The world needs the Lord!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Never Underestimate my Jesus
So, I have been living in Managua for a little over a week now. Last week was a hard week, as I was pretty homesick the first couple of days, and Michelle (my supervisor, and the director of the school where I'm working) left the day after I got there. She's still not back yet, and I feel kind of lost with things at the school-how things work, etc.
Another thing that has been hard is learning Spanish. I'm not one of those people that just instantly learn something, especially a new language. I am finding that I understand and comprehend a lot more than I am able to respond. I have a really hard time coming up with the correct responses, so that is really frustrating!
The homesickness is a lot better though! Of course I miss my family, and fall time in Michigan, and all the normal things that I would be doing right now, but I'm feeling better about being here.
God has been revealing Himself to me in ways that I never thought possible. I am finding out SO much about myself. This has been an amazing week of soul searching and pleading with God to show me what to do.
Although it's been a struggle, I am adapting to Nicaraguan life-I'm eating lots of rice/beans, it's hot here (no AC!--count your blessings!), and I carry an umbrella with me wherever I go, as I never know when it will start to rain.
I haven't actually started working at the school yet, because Michelle is gone, and it's complicated for me to figure things out when no one else at Tesoros speaks English. She'll be back this Thursday, so I'm hoping to begin working at the school either Thurs. or Fri., which will be a good way to spend my afternoons.
I'm so thankful that I have all of you supporting me in prayer--I can definitely feel the prayers and I need them right now!
He's already revealing His plan to me--which is incredible to experience, and scary!
Please pray that the Lord will show me what to do with the experiences I encounter, that I will be a blessing, that I will be blessed by the people here, and that I will find complete peace in His plan.
Thanks for all your support, and I love each and every one of you!
Love,
Rachel
Another thing that has been hard is learning Spanish. I'm not one of those people that just instantly learn something, especially a new language. I am finding that I understand and comprehend a lot more than I am able to respond. I have a really hard time coming up with the correct responses, so that is really frustrating!
The homesickness is a lot better though! Of course I miss my family, and fall time in Michigan, and all the normal things that I would be doing right now, but I'm feeling better about being here.
God has been revealing Himself to me in ways that I never thought possible. I am finding out SO much about myself. This has been an amazing week of soul searching and pleading with God to show me what to do.
Although it's been a struggle, I am adapting to Nicaraguan life-I'm eating lots of rice/beans, it's hot here (no AC!--count your blessings!), and I carry an umbrella with me wherever I go, as I never know when it will start to rain.
I haven't actually started working at the school yet, because Michelle is gone, and it's complicated for me to figure things out when no one else at Tesoros speaks English. She'll be back this Thursday, so I'm hoping to begin working at the school either Thurs. or Fri., which will be a good way to spend my afternoons.
I'm so thankful that I have all of you supporting me in prayer--I can definitely feel the prayers and I need them right now!
He's already revealing His plan to me--which is incredible to experience, and scary!
Please pray that the Lord will show me what to do with the experiences I encounter, that I will be a blessing, that I will be blessed by the people here, and that I will find complete peace in His plan.
Thanks for all your support, and I love each and every one of you!
Love,
Rachel
Thursday, August 19, 2010
He is faithful, always faithful
You know what has been such a comfort to me in these past few weeks?
He hears us when we call!!
How amazing is that? The Creator of the Universe hears everything we say to Him!
Shortly after my last blog post, I was very frustrated with how my fundraising process was going. I felt like I had hit a cement wall in the process, and I had no idea how I was going to come up with the rest of the money. I started crying out to God, wondering if maybe, just maybe, He was trying to tell me something. Am I really supposed to be going to Nicaragua? Did He have some other plan for my life? I spent many hours of the night in tears, questioning whether I was hearing Him correctly, and listening for what He would reveal to me.
Well, guess what? He heard my cries! In about 2 weeks, I raised over half of my money!!!
I was so amazed, stunned, and humbled at the faithfulness of God and His people!
I know for sure that Nicaragua is where the Lord wants me, and this served as a definite reminder.
In my hours of doubt and fear, He showed me His neverending faithfulness to those that trust in Him.
"Your love O Lord, reaches to the heavens. Your faithfulness stretches to the skies." (Psalm 36:5)
I find that in my hardest times, I cling to Him the most. I think this is natural for most people. We tend to forget about God when things are going good, and you know why? We feel that there is nothing we need to ask for. We forget that we still need His grace every day to give us the kindness and love to show and tell others about His love. We need to praise Him in the good and the bad times, and we need to call on Him in the good and bad times. Although the praises and petitions that we bring to Him may change on a daily basis, the one thing that should remain constant in our prayers is that He will give us the grace to get through the day living the way He wants us to.
I've had my share of struggles and pain, as most have. I have hit rock bottom, and it is not a fun place to be. When I was at my lowest point, I felt that I didn't need God-I could handle my problems on my own. We were all created with a hole inside of us, a hole that only God can fill. If we don't fully rely on God to get us through each day, then there's something missing. We can't put anything else in that hole-drug addiction, alcoholism, abusive behavior, self injury, NOTHING. Only God belongs there, and when that hole is filled, our lives are complete.
We need not do anything else in our lives than live for Him alone.
If you would like to hear my testimony about how God has rescued me, I would LOVE to share it with you...just let me know! :)
Also, there are only 11 days before I leave, please pray that I will not be anxious, and that I will have safe travels there and not get too homesick!
Thanks!
Love,
Rachel
He hears us when we call!!
How amazing is that? The Creator of the Universe hears everything we say to Him!
Shortly after my last blog post, I was very frustrated with how my fundraising process was going. I felt like I had hit a cement wall in the process, and I had no idea how I was going to come up with the rest of the money. I started crying out to God, wondering if maybe, just maybe, He was trying to tell me something. Am I really supposed to be going to Nicaragua? Did He have some other plan for my life? I spent many hours of the night in tears, questioning whether I was hearing Him correctly, and listening for what He would reveal to me.
Well, guess what? He heard my cries! In about 2 weeks, I raised over half of my money!!!
I was so amazed, stunned, and humbled at the faithfulness of God and His people!
I know for sure that Nicaragua is where the Lord wants me, and this served as a definite reminder.
In my hours of doubt and fear, He showed me His neverending faithfulness to those that trust in Him.
"Your love O Lord, reaches to the heavens. Your faithfulness stretches to the skies." (Psalm 36:5)
I find that in my hardest times, I cling to Him the most. I think this is natural for most people. We tend to forget about God when things are going good, and you know why? We feel that there is nothing we need to ask for. We forget that we still need His grace every day to give us the kindness and love to show and tell others about His love. We need to praise Him in the good and the bad times, and we need to call on Him in the good and bad times. Although the praises and petitions that we bring to Him may change on a daily basis, the one thing that should remain constant in our prayers is that He will give us the grace to get through the day living the way He wants us to.
I've had my share of struggles and pain, as most have. I have hit rock bottom, and it is not a fun place to be. When I was at my lowest point, I felt that I didn't need God-I could handle my problems on my own. We were all created with a hole inside of us, a hole that only God can fill. If we don't fully rely on God to get us through each day, then there's something missing. We can't put anything else in that hole-drug addiction, alcoholism, abusive behavior, self injury, NOTHING. Only God belongs there, and when that hole is filled, our lives are complete.
We need not do anything else in our lives than live for Him alone.
If you would like to hear my testimony about how God has rescued me, I would LOVE to share it with you...just let me know! :)
Also, there are only 11 days before I leave, please pray that I will not be anxious, and that I will have safe travels there and not get too homesick!
Thanks!
Love,
Rachel
Friday, July 9, 2010
"My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused." -Hosea 11:8
It's official folks! I'm leaving Chicago for Managua, Nicaragua on Monday, August 30! :)
I will be returning on the 22nd of December...and my dad reminds me that this is now less than 25 weeks away. Nice.
Now comes the time where I freak out. My emotions are all over the place. One minute I'm scared to death of going to a foreign country all by myself, the next minute I'm incredibly excited for what God has in store for me, and the next I'm wondering what in the world God was thinking when He first instilled a passion for missions in my heart. You get the point. I'm emotional, some would argue to the point of insanity. But, I think this is where God wants me. I'm scared of totally trusting in Him, but know that this is the only way that I will be successful in the ultimate mission-bringing His love to the people of the world without holding back.
Here's another thing I'm scared of-falling completely in love with missions. Yes, I've already started falling in love with missions, particularly in the area of ministering to those with special needs. The fact that I have absolutely no idea what total reliance on God means is scary to me. I feel like I'm hanging on to Him with all I have within me right now, but know that's not true. I'm holding back more than I'd like to admit. I'm sure that this will become very evident as I follow His call to the mission field. God is preparing my heart, though. I'm so unbelievably excited to see what God is going to do through me when I get to Nicaragua, and am praying that He will give me the confirmation I need, no matter what that is. As long as I'm doing what He wants, and doing it in His time, then I have to trust that everything will work out. It's not about what I want, it's about what He wants! I want to want a lot of the "normal" things in life right now-college, relationships, etc-but living a life that glorifies God is so much more important, and a lot more rewarding in the end, no matter how crazy the rest of the world thinks I am.
The Lord is changing my heart. Enough said.
Prayer Requests:
-That God will reveal His will to me clearly
-That I won't experience much homesickness/culture shock
-Safe travels
Thanks! I am so thankful for and love each and every one of you! :)
Love,
Rachel
I will be returning on the 22nd of December...and my dad reminds me that this is now less than 25 weeks away. Nice.
Now comes the time where I freak out. My emotions are all over the place. One minute I'm scared to death of going to a foreign country all by myself, the next minute I'm incredibly excited for what God has in store for me, and the next I'm wondering what in the world God was thinking when He first instilled a passion for missions in my heart. You get the point. I'm emotional, some would argue to the point of insanity. But, I think this is where God wants me. I'm scared of totally trusting in Him, but know that this is the only way that I will be successful in the ultimate mission-bringing His love to the people of the world without holding back.
Here's another thing I'm scared of-falling completely in love with missions. Yes, I've already started falling in love with missions, particularly in the area of ministering to those with special needs. The fact that I have absolutely no idea what total reliance on God means is scary to me. I feel like I'm hanging on to Him with all I have within me right now, but know that's not true. I'm holding back more than I'd like to admit. I'm sure that this will become very evident as I follow His call to the mission field. God is preparing my heart, though. I'm so unbelievably excited to see what God is going to do through me when I get to Nicaragua, and am praying that He will give me the confirmation I need, no matter what that is. As long as I'm doing what He wants, and doing it in His time, then I have to trust that everything will work out. It's not about what I want, it's about what He wants! I want to want a lot of the "normal" things in life right now-college, relationships, etc-but living a life that glorifies God is so much more important, and a lot more rewarding in the end, no matter how crazy the rest of the world thinks I am.
The Lord is changing my heart. Enough said.
Prayer Requests:
-That God will reveal His will to me clearly
-That I won't experience much homesickness/culture shock
-Safe travels
Thanks! I am so thankful for and love each and every one of you! :)
Love,
Rachel
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Done
Here I am, a high school graduate. An alumni of Byron Center Charter. Is it weird? Well, yes, of course it is. School is all I've ever known. Knowing that I'm not obligated to go back to school is strange. Is it everything I thought it would be? Yes, but much more emotional than I ever imagined. Next week, one of my closest friends that I've known since I was five is leaving for Virginia, and it's kind of a reality check, a slap in the face, if you will. We're grown up-adults-going into the big, bad world as individuals, doing whatever we feel passionate for. It's so strange, and with it comes a whole bunch of emotions.
Lately I've been struggling with all of these emotions which have overcome me since the end of high school. All of my friends are going off to college somewhere to pursue their passions, and here I am, leaving for 4 months to a country that I know very little about. I'm having doubts, fears, trouble sleeping, and most of all, the realization that it's coming sooner than I'd like (to be completely honest).
What do I do when these feelings come? Well, I realize that I'm leaning on God more than I ever thought possible, and know that I will do a ton more leaning on Him while I'm down there. I also know that the doubts and fears about myself that I'm having are not godly at all. They are of the devil. He's trying to convince me that Nicaragua is not where I'm supposed to be, and that I won't be good at it. Then, I remember that God laid this on my heart for a reason. The full reason I'm not sure of yet, but I definitely know that I will be blessed at the very least. God has been so good to me. It's hard to imagine myself going to a foreign country with foreign customs, language, and culture. But, I know that if I go fully relying on God, I will not be let down. Yes, there will still be times of fear, pain, and homesickness, but God will get me through it.
I'm clinging to God with all I have in me.
Lately I've been struggling with all of these emotions which have overcome me since the end of high school. All of my friends are going off to college somewhere to pursue their passions, and here I am, leaving for 4 months to a country that I know very little about. I'm having doubts, fears, trouble sleeping, and most of all, the realization that it's coming sooner than I'd like (to be completely honest).
What do I do when these feelings come? Well, I realize that I'm leaning on God more than I ever thought possible, and know that I will do a ton more leaning on Him while I'm down there. I also know that the doubts and fears about myself that I'm having are not godly at all. They are of the devil. He's trying to convince me that Nicaragua is not where I'm supposed to be, and that I won't be good at it. Then, I remember that God laid this on my heart for a reason. The full reason I'm not sure of yet, but I definitely know that I will be blessed at the very least. God has been so good to me. It's hard to imagine myself going to a foreign country with foreign customs, language, and culture. But, I know that if I go fully relying on God, I will not be let down. Yes, there will still be times of fear, pain, and homesickness, but God will get me through it.
I'm clinging to God with all I have in me.
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