You'll remember in my last post that I talked about a girl named Racheal that I met through a series of God-orchestrated events. I'm so happy to say that I'm now working with her! Though my time has been a little chopped up due to surgery, I'm so glad that everything worked out!
In the last week, I've had another job (actually, a paid internship) fall right into my lap. It seems that this is where the Lord wants me right now!
It's so interesting how all of this happens. In the past few weeks, I've been really emotional (privately) about wanting to leave the country and just help special needs children who are way less fortunate. It's been tearing me apart, and has been causing a major distraction in my schoolwork.
The truth is, even though all of these opportunities are really exciting and right up my alley, with each confirmation that I get that right now I'm supposed to be ministering here, my heart gets a little bit more sad, and I want to jump on a plane a little bit more.
With each day, I feel more and more dependent on God to let my heart be here-fully here-and to give more and more of myself to what I'm doing here. Truthfully? It feels like I'm slowly dying sometimes (well, I am, but you know what I mean...). It feels painful, my heart is in pain, and I find myself begging God to send me to another country.
Then I think of the girls I work with, and how much I am absolutely in love with them and their goofy personalities, and don't want to leave them. Yet there's an overpowering sense of calling to bring that same love and joy to children around the world.
But alas, I am here. I know that the Lord has a lot to teach me, and I think He's keeping me here, in part (because honestly, who knows all of the reasons to everything that God does?), to teach me to give ALL of my love, ALL of my heart, and ALL of my strength to what I'm doing here. I need to learn to be content with that for now.
I'm also learning so much about the body of Christ and bond of believers through the classes that I'm taking through Moody Bible Institute (online). I've never met any of these people, yet we pray for each other, 'fellowship' with each other, and rejoice in our accomplishments. I feel such a connection to these classmates. It's incredible, really.
I know that the Lord is continuing to prepare my heart for ministry, wherever that may be (and whenever He may choose to move me, if He chooses to move me). I find myself believing that I will eventually be leaving the country to minister to special needs children sometime in the future, because I know that this passion to reach the lost is from Him. I'm hoping, praying.
Until then, I will continue to give more of myself than I thought possible, love with His divine love, and share His name through my actions. More of HIM, less of me. More of Him, less of me.
